Worth It
by FauxPoesFoes
Summary: Nick's thoughts about the events of the Season 4 Finale. Spoilers for 4x13


_**Major spoilers for the season finale. Turn back now if you haven't seen it.**_

_**I wish I could un-see it… I've had the heartbreaking image of Nick's teary face in my head all day. Seriously, it's scary how much that episode affected me. This was me dealing with my little McCollins heart being broken.**_

"_Okay, look here's the problem. First of all there's Gail, and she's my friend. Or something. And you guys just broke up; you know that's really messy. B: We work together, and I think we both know that just leads to trouble every single time. And Three: I think everybody's going to think that it started undercover…"_

Andy never got around to reason number four, or D as she would probably say. The fourth problem with us was going to be that she was still in love with Sam Swarek. We both knew it was there, hiding under the surface and waiting for the prime opportunity to rip my heart out.

I told her I didn't care about the problems; that she was worth the risk because she was the most amazing person I'd ever met. I meant every word of it, and would still go back and do it again. Despite the actual physical pain I'm currently feeling in my chest, I would do it all over again if it meant I got to spend that time with Andy.

Maybe I'm a masochist, but I'm also a man who knows a good thing when I see it. I would have been an idiot to pass up a chance with a woman like Andy. Spending those six months living with Andy essentially destroyed all of my previous thoughts on relationships. I wasn't the same after I experienced the amazingness that was Andy McNally.

I did my best to resume my relationship with Gail, but the differences between the two women were glaringly obvious. All of Gail's bitter comments hit that much harder. Her negativity was like a thick cloud of smoke that made it difficult to breathe. I craved Andy's easygoing, free-spiritedness. I tried to tell myself that I just needed to adjust back to normal life, but I couldn't stop seeking out Andy's company.

The fact that a part of me was relieved to hear Gail cheated was the biggest tell of all. I felt guilt over the truth of her words; I was lying to her and myself about my feelings for Andy. I never wanted to hurt Gail. I had tried my hardest not to leave her again, but I wasn't being fair to either of us.

So, I took a shot and laid it all on the line with Andy. The words came tumbling out of my mouth and I wasn't going to take them back. She was magical to me; and I would wait however long it took to be with her. I knew that she would need time to process, and I didn't want to rush her.

I was a goner as soon as her lips met mine for the first time outside of our undercover relationship. I had never felt such a carefree connection with anyone; we stumbled, laughed and kissed. I was kissing my best friend! What could be better than that?

I had to bite my tongue when I told her I didn't know what our relationship was. I knew what it was for _me._ I was scared shitless to tell her that I had already fallen in love with her, so I just let her think I was enjoying the undefined relationship.

Of course, being Andy McNally, she had to go and do something that absolutely thrilled me. She kissed me and told me I was worth it. I felt like finally we were on the same page; we both realized that what we had was worth all the risks.

The thought of losing her after that was unbearable. If that bullet had been a few inches closer… I don't know what I would have done. I used the situation to my advantage to keep her off the streets and safe.

I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't make it back to her that night. I couldn't leave her for good without telling her what I felt. I had taken off my vest and scrawled out a message, just in case. I hadn't thought about the fact that it would serve as a permanent reminder of my heartache…

I had held it together as I told a distraught and guilty Andy not to be sorry. I fought back my emotions as I pushed the woman I loved into another man's arms. I kept my composure until she was out of sight, and then I just had to get that vest off. It felt like lead on my hurting chest and I ripped it off as quickly as possible.

Sitting with the vest on my lap, I closed my eyes to hold back the tears. I couldn't cry in the middle of a hospital surrounded by my peers. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes to see my words staring back at me.

_Andy McNally, I love you. Never forget that you're worth it. _

I sighed shakily, grabbing the incriminating vest and leaving the hospital as I thought to myself 'And she always will be.'

**Review please? I just like to hear other McCollins shippers thoughts, as it makes me feel better. Thanks for reading!**


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